I was scrolling through the "explore" section on instagram the other day...
and believe it or not, as much as I love Instagram, I rarely ever use this feature.
I didn't really understand it to be honest.
But before I knew it, I was sucked in.
I was amazed at all of the pictures I got to see.
Vacation spots that I didn't know existed.
Girls in bikinis with perfect figures.
Shirtless men playing soccer with sweat that shined like glitter.
Cars that I could never afford.
Outfits that I thought only existed on Pinterest.
The envious girl in me was wide awake.
How in the world am I ever going to be able to keep a guy when there's a million girls out there who look that good?
How will I ever be a good enough mom or wife compared to those "fit moms" who use their children as dumbbells and make homemade bread daily?
I clicked back over to my instagram page and the pictures that I was once so proud to post, looked dull in comparison.
I hated that feeling.
I remembered a phase in my life when I used social media as a determining factor for my sense of security.
I went out of my way to take cool pictures and waited anxiously to see how many likes I would get.
I was often disappointed at the results.
My pictures were just never good enough.
And then somewhere along the way, things changed.
I took a step back from this fictional world of edited photos and I just looked around.
Even the most beautiful girl on instagram had struggles.
The perfect family photo was only perfect for the snap of the flash and then they were back to their imperfect and chaotic lives.
I had to actively stop and remind myself of the reality of life.
And as dumb as it sounds, I had to figure out a way to love and validate myself so that I didn't seek for it in other ways.
To be honest, I think that's what people struggle with the most these days - loving themselves.
Feeling good enough.
Being comfortable in their own skin.
Being ok with being alone.
The downfall to these feelings are the measures people go to in order to get that validation. If they can't find it within themselves, they seek for it from other people or other things.
I'm guilty of it.
The hardest days of my life were when I sacrificed parts of myself in an effort to feel worthy of someone's love and attention.
The problem with that is, you never find what you're looking for.
No amount of attention from the outside can fill what you're needing from the inside.
But let me confess something: the process of "self love" or "self discovery" wasn't easy & I still struggle daily.
(As i'm sure many do.)
It took letting someone rob me of all my worth, in order for me to realize how much I had to offer.
Hopefully not everyone has to endure that kind of agony in an attempt to gain their self confidence.
As Bishop Harris once told me, "Some people just need to touch the fire to learn. Others have to be engulfed in it." The latter part is me.
Every day gets better, though.
I think that our daily influences play a big part in who we are and it's much easier to love yourself when you're constantly surrounded by people who also love you.
Unfortunately there's no end destination for this process - it's something you have to work at every day and although my insecurities often get the best of me, I'm determined to keep growing. The alternative just isn't an option.
Now, do I still spend the majority of my time scrolling through my instagram feed? Yes.
Do I still post several times a week? Yes.
And to be honest, that probably won't change.
:)
How in the world am I ever going to be able to keep a guy when there's a million girls out there who look that good?
How will I ever be a good enough mom or wife compared to those "fit moms" who use their children as dumbbells and make homemade bread daily?
I clicked back over to my instagram page and the pictures that I was once so proud to post, looked dull in comparison.
I hated that feeling.
I remembered a phase in my life when I used social media as a determining factor for my sense of security.
I went out of my way to take cool pictures and waited anxiously to see how many likes I would get.
I was often disappointed at the results.
My pictures were just never good enough.
And then somewhere along the way, things changed.
I took a step back from this fictional world of edited photos and I just looked around.
Even the most beautiful girl on instagram had struggles.
The perfect family photo was only perfect for the snap of the flash and then they were back to their imperfect and chaotic lives.
I had to actively stop and remind myself of the reality of life.
And as dumb as it sounds, I had to figure out a way to love and validate myself so that I didn't seek for it in other ways.
To be honest, I think that's what people struggle with the most these days - loving themselves.
Feeling good enough.
Being comfortable in their own skin.
Being ok with being alone.
The downfall to these feelings are the measures people go to in order to get that validation. If they can't find it within themselves, they seek for it from other people or other things.
I'm guilty of it.
The hardest days of my life were when I sacrificed parts of myself in an effort to feel worthy of someone's love and attention.
The problem with that is, you never find what you're looking for.
No amount of attention from the outside can fill what you're needing from the inside.
But let me confess something: the process of "self love" or "self discovery" wasn't easy & I still struggle daily.
(As i'm sure many do.)
It took letting someone rob me of all my worth, in order for me to realize how much I had to offer.
Hopefully not everyone has to endure that kind of agony in an attempt to gain their self confidence.
As Bishop Harris once told me, "Some people just need to touch the fire to learn. Others have to be engulfed in it." The latter part is me.
Every day gets better, though.
I think that our daily influences play a big part in who we are and it's much easier to love yourself when you're constantly surrounded by people who also love you.
Unfortunately there's no end destination for this process - it's something you have to work at every day and although my insecurities often get the best of me, I'm determined to keep growing. The alternative just isn't an option.
Now, do I still spend the majority of my time scrolling through my instagram feed? Yes.
Do I still post several times a week? Yes.
And to be honest, that probably won't change.
:)
